Top13 things to say or do when your parents catch you smoking

This happened to a friend of mine recently. We were peacefully cruising, blasting music and smoking in the car when she suddenly gets a call from her dad and she suddenly drops the cigarette and starts freaking out. Her parents knew she was

smoking and apparently saw her. She got really

mind-fucked and didn’t know what to do. So, i gave her a few ideas that might help (not really) her not get in

to trouble. Here’s Top13 things to say or do when your parents catch you smoking. Phew! that’s a long title.


"Wasn’t me"

Just deny the whole thing. Say there have been rumours that there have been sightings of a clone. Tell them stories about aliens and shit.


"It was only candy, ma."

Say it’s one of those cigarette candies. It just looks like a cigarette. The new one is called ‘Aunty Laxmi’s Chilli Sticks’. That would explain the smoke.


"Hahahaha! freaking ugly"

This will work well if you have a sibling. Walk into the house and go to your sibling and start laughing at him or her. When your mum or dad come in to blast you, just laugh at them and say ” You created that? Look at him. He’s freaking ugly.” Keep laughing and walk out slowly.


"What ? Are you tripping?"

Blame them for being ridiculous and convince them that they are drunk or very high. Say you’ve been sitting in front of them all day. Freak them out by adding that they woke up at 3 last night and danced in the kitchen for a whole hour.


"        "

Don’t say anything. Mime your response. No matter what, don’t open your mouth.


"You have some nerve for accusing me"

Start shouting at them before they say a word to you. Say that it has hurt you so deeply, you’re mentally disturbed now and need to go on a holiday. Storm out before you get belted.


"Who am i? What is this place? Who are you people?"

Run into your room without anyone noticing and lie down. When your parents wake you up just act lost and confused. Say things like “Who am i?”, “Where am i?” “Who are you?” and who the hell is that ugly kid over there?. Just pass out after a few minutes.


" Walaksifhfu? bahskaquadytoi"

Start talking gibberish. Don’t give up. Keep repeating till they either beat you to death or they leave.



Stand still and listen to them quietly and when they stop, suddenly start dancing. Do the moonwalk and the robot. Dance to the rhythm of their voice. Dance to what ever they are saying, the more pissed they are, the faster you dance.


"Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?"

Start singing Bohemian Rhapsody for everything they say. Only sing when they stop talking. When they’re talking, listen. It should go something like this-

Dad: Since when have you been smoking?

You: Too late, my time has come. Sends shivers down my spine.

Dad: What the fuck are you saying? Do you want the beating of your life?

You: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me.


Keep smiling.

Whatever they’re saying, don’t respond. Just smile. When the shouting gets worse, start laughing. Finally top it with a hug and go out of the room smiling.


"I see you."

Look into your dad or mom’s eyes and whisper ” I see you”. Keep repeating. If you have dreads, stick one in your dad’s nose.


Accept it.

The best thing to do is accept it and tell the truth. They might be angry but they’ll get over it. Say you won’t do it again. That’s what a good honest person should do. Go and have another smoke in their room. Ash on their bed. Leave home immediately.

Done. Smoke time. What would you do ?

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